I Bought a 3DS Options

[kevinski]

I'm still not quite sure what came over me, but yes, I purchased a 3DS. I was considering getting a DSi XL, because I actually just wanted a DS with a larger screen. Thing is, I realized that I'd essentially be buying an outdated piece of hardware, and there *are* a few 3DS games that I really wanted to play. Besides, how could I resist the Game Gear games in the eShop?

Anyway, I purchased the 3DS, a messenger bag and two games (Mario Kart 7 and Shinobi). Each item shipped from a separate distribution center, however, and everything arrived over the course of three days. The day after I placed my order, I received the 3DS and the messenger bag. I tried to resist the temptation of unboxing the 3DS prior to receiving at least one of the games, but I simply couldn't wait. I love messing around with new electronics. Alas, I was thoroughly disappointed with the experience, and I'd actually go so far as to say that I'm very underwhelmed by the hardware in a lot of ways.

Rather than be a complete bastard about every aspect of the hardware, however, I'll at least start off by telling you what I *do* like about 3DS. The d-pad, face buttons and triggers on 3DS are all vastly improved over their DS Lite counterparts. I kinda wish that they had a different finish from that of the system itself, though, because the existing finish doesn't lend itself well to allowing your thumbs to slide easily across them. Also, the face buttons tend to hurt my thumb with extended use, although that could be due to the fact that I press buttons too hard in particularly tense situations.

Okay, now, onto the bad stuff...

The Select, Home and Start buttons are fucking terrible. Whose bright idea was it to make all three buttons part of a single bar? Furthermore, why is the Power button closer in proximity to the action buttons than the button you use to pause most games? I'm sure that I'll get used to the position of these buttons over time, but I still feel that they should've been closer to the A, B, X and Y buttons than the fucking Power button.

Despite the improvements in the other input methods, the touch screen on 3DS is still a fucking piece of shit. Yes, I know: "Use the stylus." I don't want to use a fucking stylus. Let's forget for a moment that Nintendo somehow managed to make the stylus even less convenient to get to on 3DS than on DS Lite. (Amusingly, I was messing around with my Tiger Game.com recently, and I can't help but love the position of the stylus. It's on the front, right where it should be.) I still don't see how Nintendo expects players to use the face buttons and a touch screen when a stylus is pretty much required to get consistent feedback out of the screen.

I try to drag icons and inadvertently open apps. I try to scroll through menus and inadvertently make selections. Sure, I could use a stylus and gradually scratch the fuck out of my screen over time, but I honestly feel that the stylus is just a pain in the ass to retrieve from the top of the left side of the system's backside to make that an attractive option. Really, what was wrong with positioning it on the right side of the system's backside like on DS Lite?

Oh, and before I move on from the touch screen, what's the deal with the border surrounding it? Nice way to make the edges of the screen a complete bitch to use, Nintendo. Again, yeah, I'm using my fingers, but DS Lite didn't have a border this fucking high.

Moving on, it took me a while to get my fucking 3DS connected to the Internet (More on that in a moment.), so I figured that I'd kill some time with the pre-installed apps. Besides, I didn't have my games yet, so what else was I to do? Holy shit...these pre-installed apps are fucking garbage. No, I haven't used the AR cards yet, but that's because Face Raiders ran like shit to the point where I wasn't too keen on wasting my time with something similar that just added cards to the equation.

Most of the other pre-installed apps consist of garbage that you'd find on a Palm Pilot, and they're about as functional as something from that era of consumer electronics. To make things more annoying, 3DS insists on giving you notifications as you use apps, and it announces damn-near everything that you do with a title screen. Holy shit, Nintendo...I don't need to know when I've accessed the settings by having a title bar appear. Just show me the fucking settings.

The best part about all of these pre-installed apps is that you can't hide the icons from the main screen. Sure, you can move them all the way to the right side and zoom in so you can't see them, but really...why am I required to keep an icon for health warnings on my fucking home screen?

Anyway, after jumping through hoops to get 3DS connected to my wireless network (Really, I've only ever had issues with wireless networking when using Nintendo devices.), I decided to check out the eShop. The interface is clunky as fuck, and Nintendo's download speeds are, apparently, still shitty enough that the company saw fit to incorporate cute little animations that I couldn't give two shits about to somehow make people forgive the company's poor implementation of digital distribution. Anyway, Nintendo seems to think that it should take as many taps as possible to download one fucking item, so it doesn't surprise me that the company has the audacity to make you "unwrap" each download on your home screen before you can use it. Really, fuck you, Nintendo.

It disgusts me that Nintendo's attempts to breath life and personality into a user interface gets in the way of usability. Sure, it's not difficult to use, but there are so many extra steps to such simple processes. The system treats you like a fucking two-year-old. You can have a nice, quick interface with plenty of personality that doesn't prolong even the simplest of tasks. I really hope that Nintendo patches the living shit out of this thing to remedy some of my gripes, but I doubt that it'll ever happen.

Now, regarding getting this pile of shit connected to the Internet, my God...Nintendo really needs to get its shit together from a networking perspective. Thankfully, it supports several means of setting up a connection, but I feel sorry for anyone whose router doesn't support some of the automated setup methods, because this thing fucking blows when you're doing manual setup.

During my networking troubleshooting, I noticed that DS games don't support WPA security, so you need to use WEP or no security at all if you want to play DS games online on 3DS. Nice work, Nintendo.

Anyway, thankfully, 3DS is much easier to tolerate when you're playing a game and aren't dealing with the system's shitty UI. Unfortunately, the system's janky 3D negatively impacts the games. For starters, that 3D depth slider is fucking irritating. It's too easy to accidentally move while picking up the system. I'd disable it in Parental Controls to save myself that trouble, but I can't, because doing so would put me at a disadvantage in certain games. Why? Well, allow me to explain.

Prior to owning 3DS, I read people's comments about how the 3D legitimately makes it easier to judge distances within games. This is certainly true, but it's true for the wrong reasons. Mario Kart 7 and Shinobi both make good use of 3D, but the camera angles suffer for it. In Mario Kart 7, the camera shortens your view in certain areas of some tracks, making it very difficult to see certain obstacles (such as the boulders rolling toward you on one of the tracks). In Shinobi, certain background and foreground elements look no different from elements that're on the same plane as your character. Take flames, for example. Without 3D on, it can be impossible to tell whether flames are right in front of your character (making them an actual hazard, whether you can bypass it by jumping over it or by jumping up or down a level) or are on a different plane (and can simply be walked past). This is bad game design. There should be alternate camera settings for people who aren't using 3D.

Now, with all of that said, I must say that I'm really enjoying Mario Kart 7. I haven't played it online yet, but that's because I'm trying to get three-star ratings on every single cup in every single speed setting. I realize that it's not necessary in order to unlock everything, but holy shit...Nintendo really needs to rework this flawed ratings system. The game was more enjoyable for me when I wasn't trying to get three three-star ratings in 150cc. While Mario Kart 7 isn't as bad as Mario Kart Wii in terms of cheap items, I'd say that Mario Kart 7 can get unnecessarily frustrating in 150cc. I wouldn't mind so much if the speed setting was legitimately just a speed setting, but it's like the increase in speed also makes your opponents cheap assholes.

I still think that the game is very enjoyable, and it's not difficult to place first in races pretty consistently. It's just that it's so damn difficult to stay in first place long enough in any given race to get those three-star ratings.

Also, Shinobi's quite a cool game, but it doesn't compare to Mario Kart 7. I'll revisit it at some point, but I confess that I was basically only playing it to give me something to play while waiting for Mario Kart 7 to arrive. XD

[Jagosaurus]

3DS have dropped to $149 on target.com... XL version will push this price down even more.

Tempted now...